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| #TheAngieJournals ©Angie Mason Sketchbook 2018 |
Looking Straight into the Abyss and Questioning Fear…
As far back as I can remember invisible monsters always existed in life as well as very real ones. The fear of monsters under our beds in our closets, on the other side of the door! The unknown, it’s terrifying! This episode will focus more on the imaginary ones we create in our daily lives, the one’s that we manufacture in our minds and ultimately have some control over. You know those fears namely the ones that evoke fear in our hearts, making our skin pale and stomach turn and sink.
Who knew the imaginary realm of manufactured fear held such power with very real world physical outcomes. It really messes with you… if you let it. The fear of possibility, the fear of the unknown, the fear of failing, the fear of success, the fear of running out of ideas, the fear of being rejected and on and on. Being a creative person and artist you deal with a great amount of potential fear factors constantly. How do you cope? How do you wrangle any scared feelings that may arise whether you are making something new or simple trying a material for the first time? Or perhaps its a bit of performance anxiety - Stage fright fear on an exhibitions opening night, interviews, social media. It’s all a crazy tangle of knots we have to untie and certainly stumble over in order to find the right balance of courage that works to get through and past it.
For instance as Visual Artist it can be a pretty scary process knowing that so much of what we do will go unfinished or never even started. Or how about that moment you are about to share your work publicly?
Do you have that lump in your throat moment, frozen, cement feet planted in the ground unable to move towards the reality that awaits you say at opening night? Is it a fear of people or lack of red dots? A fear of disapproval?
Why do we let these fears creep in? Why can’t we just believe in our powers, in our selves and be excited to share it with others no matter if they approve or not. No one is liked 100% there are always going to be trolls and haters and critics. It’s just part of life. So why do we have to allow our special moments to be stolen from us / hijacked by our fears getting wrapped up in some dramatic horror show? I think we can push past it and allow ourselves to feel more joy in those potentially scary moments instead.
Brain Games:
- Personal Doubts we all have them we are all human and it’s that very reason why we really need to Believe in ourself because eventually others will believe in you too! Be confident and brave in your creative endeavors or whatever journey you’re embarking on. Your belief in what you do will give it power and not allowing fear to make you shrink down like a wilted wall flower will let others believe and follow along with what you are doing.
- Performance Anxiety - As a solitary introverted person working within a personal visual realm for the majority of the time coming out of that shell can be difficult but it can be done. Think of it as an opportunity to be able to meet others who are already most likely happy to meet you. And even if they aren’t it’s ok your work brought out emotions and feeling in others and that is meaningful because it affected someone else deeply! No matter what just connect allow yourself to feel joy and pride for what you have accomplished. Be proud of yourself it’s ok to feel this way.
Visual Catastrophes
- Materials Meltdown – Now I am speaking as a visual artist here … have you ever been working on a painting and reached a point where you slow down out of fear, you are almost scared to really paint, you get too precious and this fear of messing up just creates a bigger obstacle in getting your piece to the place you want it to be. When I find myself in this predicament instead of letting the precious fear lock up my hands I just mix a new color and paint over the area where I was lingering on too cautiously and just begin fresh and confident in my mark making. When we become to precious with our work we are nervous and scared the next move might mess up everything. We are not being honest and confident we are giving our selves over to fear. Try it the next time you find you yourself becoming too precious either just paint over it and start over or go do a fresh piece to shake off these nerves then return to your work confident and clear minded.
- Blank Canvas -Tabula Rasa
“Tabula rasa ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabula_rasa) is a Latin phrase often translated as "blank slate" in English and originates from the Roman tabula used for notes, which was blanked by heating the wax and then smoothing it.[1] This roughly equates to the English term "blank slate" (or, more literally, "erased slate") which refers to the emptiness of a slate prior to it being written on with chalk. Both may be renewed repeatedly, by melting the wax of the tablet or by erasing the chalk on the slate.”
The feeling of starting over, a new beginning can be terrifying… facing every new painting, drawing and journal that blank surface that greets us feels like a lot of pressure sometimes. For me the way I quickly get over this is by just laying in color blocks or mark makign or automatic writing. Don’t think to hard just get into it and let things form. Allow your story to be written and unfold naturally.
- Red Dot Danger – Do you let yourself get wrapped up in worry if you will sell your work or not. Does it affect the actual work you are making? Do you create work that you think might sell or do you manage to take a more healthy route and separate the two stages and create work out of a real deep rooted place of meaning within yourself and then decide to try to sell it after it is created. The red dot panic I have seen people get hung up in seems to be an unhealthy damaging cycle. Some I have seen put all the worth and value into sales and when they were lacking it drove them to give up on their creative self. Showing in a gallery obviously has financial goals to sell work and make money… but some how there has to be a way to not devalue yourself or any unsold body of work. Keep going. Selling is great but whether or not your art is fitting into a current art market shouldn’t be the guiding force for your creative process well maybe that is your goal but as a human who is creating something for deeper meaning know that if your work doesn’t sell it still has value and you certainly have value as well. Don’t get too hung up on red dot panic. It’s ok if you don’t sell your work. Keep trying eventually the right people find you!
- “ When bankers get together for dinner, they discuss Art. When artists get together for dinner, they discuss money.” — Oscar Wilde
Digital Distractions:
- Social Media Meltdown –Getting over the fear of sharing your self on a public platform online and also learning the right amount of what you want to share is an individual journey and choice we all make. Do what feels right for you. Just keep your heart open and let things get in.
“ Social courage. It is the courage to relate to other human
beings, the capacity to risk one's self in the hope of achieving
meaningful intimacy. It is the courage to invest one's self over a period
of time in a relationship that will demand an increasing openness.” Rollo May - The Courage to Create.
- The Glowing void of comparison and doom – Just learn to recognize when your brain starts to go down this path and turn off on to this dead end drive. Focus on your path and don’t let other people’s paths blur your direction of where you are going. We all have unique circumstances and groups of people we engage with. Nurture that ,be grateful for that. Don’t feel scared you aren’t as whole or exciting as someone else’s life. Competition - Comparison is a nightmare we all have those moments and they all can be terrifying yet we don’t have to let it take over us. It’s not real, shake it off and know there is enough sky for all the stars to shine, same goes for artists. Just do your work, make your visions path and don’t focus on another’s life path where it makes yours blurry. Just embrace yours and proceed with excitement.
“Habits are the peripheral vision of the mind. “ Art & Fear
This quote to me says so much of how good creative habits will help keep you on a clear path not letting any amount of fear that rises up blur our intentions. If I just keep at my drawing and writing ideas and pushing them along even when worry and fear creep in… the constant act of creative habits will help steer you in a good direction rather than letting fear steal you away from yourself.
External Factors: The Things we don’t have total control over.
- Real world fears and daily headline politics:- yes we live in some truly dark dystopian days. It can make you want to curl up into a ball some times. But how can we channel this fear into something productive? For myself I found getting involved with issues I cared about taking part in charity shows that helped raise money toward helping whatever cause the event was circled around. I also took to getting involved in various protests and make signs and artwork to communicate my frustrations rather than sit paralyzed in fear. Those are some ways I have navigated these rough waters. But also how do we navigate daily bombardments thrown at us making us exhausted and dizzy from all the headline news. My answer for myself was to turn it off and only consume in digestible amounts allowing me to keep my wits straight and actually be of some help to myself and others around me. It can be a rabbit hole void we can easily get sucked into that pit and I know I need to be engaged yet I also need to find a healthy balance that works for myself as a citizen allowing me to remain engaged not only with my country but with my personal goals. It’s a balancing act.
So this is a blurb taken from the Author / Activist Jennifer Hofmann of Action Checklist for Americans of Conscience
I think of her words she wrote and how true they are in regards to caring for ourselves during these difficult times. They feel like they can be helpful when dealing with feelings of fear and exhaustion in general. Basically surround yourself with a really strong support system that is understanding and shares your values so you can hold each other up during trying times. This is what Jennifer had to say:
“Looking to nature
Have you ever watched a flock of Canadian geese migrating together across a clear blue sky? You've probably heard that the chevron formation allows them to drift on each other's currents, making it possible to travel farther with ease.
All my life, I thought geese followed the leader at the tip of the V—the one with the best sense of direction and the most powerful wings. But I learned recently that each goose takes a turn at leading. As the leader tires, another goose takes their place, then another. They all know the way, and it takes them far. Watch them closely, and you'll see.
Rest.
Realize that you've already been flapping for months. Rather than take a permanent nose dive, begin to accept fatigue as part of the journey—just like the geese do. When weariness arises, give yourself over to it. Give your wings time to rest. Allow yourself to glide while others keep flapping.
Return when ready.
Just like those beautiful birds, when you're more rested, you can glide into the lead again, taking action, speaking out, and standing up for what is right. Your honking and flapping helps the whole.”
Another fantastic quote I am loving because it is taking the fear we feel and turning it into something positive that can act as a catalyst knowing the importance of what we are about to create and experience. The quote is from the book The War of Art
by Steven Pressfield
“Are you paralyzed with fear? That's a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
In the end the fear we manufacture in our mind is really part of the whole process of life, of being human, but I believe we can wrangle it and keep it in check. Knowing we all as humans face fears whatever they are makes it all a little less scary knowing that we all go through this in regards to creating. We are not alone in a vacuum. We all share this emotional experience at different times in our lives. Yes, there are so many real life fears we all fight against daily in the world that we don’t have control over, so knowing in regard to the creative realm that we all share a similar emotional experience brings some comfort in knowing that the fear we manufacture in our minds can be controlled by us and shut down.
Some further Resources:
I have included in the show notes that you can find at ClarityCloud.blogspot.com various links to inspiring helpful words from some online authors to some key solid books on the creative process that I perso ally have found helpful in my journey… many of which I read during my time in Art School yet I will find myself going back for words of encouragement when feeling a bit lost. I hope they can bring you some comfort as well.
I’m Angie, till next time,
Dream Yourself Awake.
The Clarity Cloud Consortium™
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